Q: Are you "on" MySpace/Twitter/Facebook/Google+/Instagram/etc.?
A: In short, no.
Q: But someone has registered the Twitter handle "@SimonGuildford"!
A: That's not a question.
Q: Seriously, man, what gives?
A: I guess there's another Simon Guildford out there. Poor bastard! Let's hope he's doing more with the name than yours truly.
Q: How are we supposed to know what kind of things you like, then?
A: Ask and ye shall receive! Although I'm quite comfortable with the idea of my personal foibles remaining outside the public domain – after all, I shun social media for a reason – a small sample of my interests would have to include music, comedy, Scotch, popular science books, and coffee. Oh, and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Q: How can I read your scripts?
A: For obvious reasons, I can't post full scripts here; however, if you really want to read one, get in touch and I’ll see what I can do. (That counts twofold if you're an agent or manager who's looking to take on new comedy writers, and threefold if you're Seth MacFarlane or one of his official representatives.)
Q: What happened to all the politics-related articles on your old website, and/or the music-oriented pieces from your old blog?
A: They have gone, all of them, and will never again see the light of day. The interviews with David Cross, Henry Rollins, and the Screw Loose Change guys have been re-posted, though. Look around to find 'em.
Q: Will you be doing any more interviews in the future?
A: Although I tend to adopt a "Never say never" approach where this issue is concerned, I have no plans to conduct further interviews at the present time.
Q: How did your site get its name?